Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
