I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
