Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
