don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
