I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
