My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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