Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
