Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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