My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
