When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
