no, he came in my armpit
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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