wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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