i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
