operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Randomize
