fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
