just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it's like iHOP with fire
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
