No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you still have your period?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
