Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
