I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
