wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
