It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
