This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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