I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
