That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
