Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
