I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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