anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
