you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
