So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
