Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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