Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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