He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
