I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
