We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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