So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
