after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
