I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
