OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize