I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
