Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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