is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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