Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
