I could make wine with my vomit
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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