How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
