I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
