508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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