I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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