You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize