I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can I color on your dick again?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize