Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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