Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've blown a few things in my day
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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