I murdered the dance floor call the cops
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
