This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize