Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I could fuck to npr.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
