There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
