he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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