u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Text me some of your sweat
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
