part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
