Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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