like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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