chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
