I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
