You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
