my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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