It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
