I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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