cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
