Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
