i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
