I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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