i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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