Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This is my gift to your gina
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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